Lost in time

I have often found that the best way to learn my way around a new area is to actually get lost in it. I just keep moving, paying attention to where I am, and eventually I will return to where I have been … or get to where I am going. This can be a bit tricky though when there are other factors to consider. I am on a schedule; I am tired or grumpy. The area I am in is just not all that special to behold. Then the temper builds or I start getting frustrated, which invariably makes me more lost. I may eventually get to where I wish to be, or at least recognizable ground, but now it is with no pleasure. Might even ruin things for me, putting an initial damper on whatever it was I was aiming to do. Yet get lost like this enough times and I will eventually get a very healthy grasp of the area. Where I have been; where I am going, and most importantly, where I am.

The really cool thing is that this technique also works when I am travelling through time.

I have been lost in time again. I have starting points. I many memories of where I have been. Yet I am not actually sure where I am going, and seem to have misplaced where I am now. This would be fine if I did not act as if I were on a schedule; if I were not tired and grumpy. If I did not find that the when I am in is not all that special to behold. My temper has flared up, and I am very frustrated.

Which has made me more lost in time and space.

Fortunately now I have gotten some sleep.

I mentioned recently that I am concerned about the hypocritical life I am living at the moment. This is the essence of that hypocrisy. Anyone who has meandered through the labyrinth  of thought and creation that is this blog has encountered certain centers of my philosophy. Beliefs that I hold firmly. Beliefs that I have not been living lately. The two core ones:

  1. Everything we do is a choice.
  2. Live in the here and now.

I have not been making good choices. Or in many cases any at all. I am just drifting, without any attempt to control the direction of my drift. And worse yet, I have become so disenchanted with the here and now that I find myself in, that I have been doing my best effort to be some other place … or some other when. Yet neither is actually possible.

We can only be where and when we are.

If I stop remembering that simple fact, then I will never truly know my life. I will be forever lost because I am not paying attention and fully appreciating where and when I am now. I may end up where I am aiming for, or back at familiar ground, but it will be by accident, and I will not be able to consciously guide myself again when the need arises.

Nothing in life says that we have to LIKE the here and now. But we do have to LIVE it. That is the only way we have a chance of guiding ourselves to where we actually want to be.

I just need to keep remembering that.

0 thoughts on “Lost in time

  1. I fail to live in the ‘here and now’ often. I’ve become famous for simply drifting through the day to get through it and onto something else. Problem is, going nowhere tends to lead to nowhere, and the result is that I feel a day older, an inch closer to death, and have nothing to show for it after. I blame this on allowing myself to live my life through others. For always putting someone else’s interest in front of my own. Call it an unauthentic life, or whatever other names they have for it nowadays, but it’s still the same thing….being stuck in suckyville with a bunch of parasites for neighbors. I’m finally being given the opportunity to find myself right now and I gotta tell ya, the hardest part is figuring out what I want. Isn’t that crazy? When you spend your life allowing every move to be dictated by another’s wants and needs you lose your center and stop asking yourself the question “What do I want?” I guess what I want right now…maybe even need…is just the downtime to figure it out. It’s pretty terrific.
    What do you want?

    • You have summed up MY life concisely. I should be asking myself that very question … and it seem I don’t know the answer either. I have a whole list of things I DON’T want. But that soes not really answer the question. And without some sort of destination, even a fluid one, all we, all I, will ever do is drift. That had its charm in the past, when my drifting actually occasionally brought me to interesting shores. But now I am caught in an eddy current, and it is taking me around in circles. Thank you for asking me the question I needed to be asking.

      • You’re welcome kind sir. You know what I find so ridiculously funny, is how similar some of the shit in our life has been…yet how different we are.
        Hey…good news! This bitch finally got her drivers license back and the suspension on my registration of my car lifted, so I’m mobile again. YaY! Only took me four years and two months to be able to take care of the shit to do it. Crazy, huh?
        Umm..yet another thing we have in common…I understand isolation and being at the mercy of others to get you around. I’m telling ya….suckyville…big time!

        • Well congrats there!! I kind if gave it up as a lost cause. I am not willing to pay the price that the powers that be still insist I pay, even after nine years of punishment. It is amazing how similar different lives can actually be. And how different similar lives can be for that matter!! Glad things are starting to look up for you!!

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