Z end in Z beginning

Every ending is a new beginning.

I have not written anything in months. For that matter, I have not done much of anything in months. There are many reasons for this. I could write a quite a few words on this subject alone. But I won’t, because  … well … who would wanna read that? Show of hands? Even MY hand is not raised.

The least wordy reason for my lack of participation in life is I have misplaced my purpose.

“What,” you are no doubt not really even thinking of asking, “do you mean by that?” Just your luck, I am going to tell you.

I don’t believe in destiny. I don’t believe that there is some sort of cosmic H. R. department that assigns us our life duties, with all sorts of hell to pay if we stray from our assigned path. I also don’t believe that there is some grand meaning to existence that keeps just out of our reach just for the sheer pleasure of torturing us (or teaching us if you’re more of an optimist) that its creator receives.

Purpose and meaning are things we need to create for ourselves.

And I seem to have run out of ideas. No, that’s not quite it. I have plenty of ideas. I just ran out of a good reason to pursue any of those ideas. Thus I have stopped living, like so many others in our society. The Zombie Apocalypse is actually already here. All to many of us simply go through the motions of life, without really showing any proof that we are LIVING it. We somnambulate, searching for brains to eat, many not even realizing that this particular food source is in rare supply these days.

Not only is this a REALLY depressing way to (not) live, it is extremely BORING.

Now that spring is pretending to appear in my part of the world (it has the same precision of scheduling that the average cable company has), and I’m acknowledging that I am not getting any younger, I have decided to shift gears and once again create a purpose. The main difficulty with this decision (one that I often make I might add) is determining which of my over-abundance of ideas has any chance of being even reasonably considered an obtainable goal, and then figuring out if I have what is needed to obtain said goal. Once I have accepted that I probably do not, then I will have to figure out how to find; get; create what I need, and start the whole cycle of life over for my silly self.

This is generally not a simple process.

So, considering how much time I have on my hands, the fact that today is April Fool’s Day (a prime day for ANY fool to start afresh), the influx of emails reminding me of the A to Z challenge that helped me enter the blogging world, and the sheer boredom that threatens to complete my zombification, I decided last night mere hours before last call that I would attempt to participate in this year’s challenge. Thus here I am, rambling on with no clear purpose of words or intent, starting another new journey.

“Why,” you are still probably not really asking, “have you started with Z?” Another of my beliefs is that the passage of time really has no beginning or end. When we claim to start or finish something, we are really just continuing along our journey, setting reference points along the way to keep us believing we actually have some control over the journey. Following “traditional” paths has rarely gotten me anywhere I wanted to be, so I switch it up a bit, to see if that will make a difference. I still usually don’t end up where I think I want to be, but at least the ride will be an interesting one. Who knows? Maybe doing things “backwards” is just what I need this time around.

Onward to A.

Eternity

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