The nonsense that kept me up last night

RANDOM PERSON: Protect me from terrorists.

GUMMINT: We need a way to identify terrorists.

EMAIL PROVIDER: We use a ROBOT to search everyone’s emails so we can try to sell them things they don’t really need but MIGHT want.

RANDOM PERSON: That’s cool!

GUMMINT: Can you search for keywords that might identify threats too?

EMAIL PROVIDER: Sure!

RANDOM PERSON: Don’t do that! That is an invasion of my privacy. But that woman over there is a threat!

GUMMINT: What’s your proof?

RANDOM PERSON: I have none, but I bet if you read her emails you can find some.

MAN: I did THAT to random women.

A WHOLE SLEW OF RANDOM WOMEN: He did THAT to me.

MAN: They are ALL lying. I would never do THAT to a woman. But you know who did do THAT. HER husband. Which makes HER evil by proxy.

REASONABLE PEOPLE: What’s your proof?

MAN: A few random women said so.

MISOGYNISTS: How come you didn’t report it when it happened?

A WHOLE SLEW OF RANDOM WOMEN: I didn’t think anyone would believe me. I didn’t want to be shamed and have my character attacked.

MISOGYNISTS: You are ALL lying. You are nothing but a bunch of sluts and whores with an agenda.

HERO OF THE PEOPLE: The Gummint is spying on you and reading your emails.

RANDOM PERSON: That’s horrible! I knew the Gummint was evil!

GUMMINT: What’s your proof?

HERO OF THE PEOPLE: I spied on the Gummint and read their emails.

HERO OF THE PEOPLE: That woman is a threat because she used a private email server of questionable security, knowing that it was wrong and unsafe.

RANDOM PERSON: That’s horrible! I knew she was evil!

GUMMINT: What’s your proof?

HERO OF THE PEOPLE: I hacked a secure Gummint server and read her emails.

GOD: Isn’t this apple tempting?

MAN: I want to eat it.

GOD: No.

MAN: OK.

SNAKE: Isn’t that apple tempting? You should eat it.

WOMAN: OK.

The woman eats the apple.

GOD: How dare you give into temptation. I will punish you for ever. And snakes are now officially evil.

MAN: Isn’t that woman tempting. I want to have sex with her.

WOMAN; No.

MAN: I can’t resist.

The man rapes the woman.

GOD AND MAN: It’s your fault woman for being tempting. I will punish you forever. And snakes are still to blame.

CONSPIRACY THEORIST: The gummint is evil and out to get me.

REASONABLE PERSON: What’s your proof?

CONSPIRACY THEORIST: I saw a poorly made video, article, meme from another conspiracy theorist that says so.

REASONABLE PERSON: What about all the evidence that says the conspiracy theorist is wrong?

CONSPIRACY THEORIST: Anybody who says I am wrong is part of the conspiracy.

This is the world we live in folks. Ain’t it grand?

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: