In search of a proper meal

A problem with existential crises it that no matter how deeply you question, and what realization you may come to, the dilemma doesn’t simply go away until the soul is satisfied. It is like craving a flavor but not quite knowing what flavor it is you crave … so you just eat everything in sight until you find it (assuming you ever actually do).

My soul is still craving and no matter all the many varied flavors I have fed it recently I have still not quite found “the one”.

I am getting closer. Each tidbit of wisdom I feed my soul satisfies it a little more. Maybe it is not just one flavor I crave, but a taste extravaganza. My soul needs a proper meal! In my current journey of seeking epicurean wisdom, I find myself feeding my soul with all different types of food. Both in a literal and figurative sense. I have been eating like I fear that tomorrow all food will no longer exist, never satisfied yet also not really enjoying much of the food. Again both literally and figuratively.

The figurative food takes several forms. Rants and creations out of my own questioning mind. Reading, watching, and listening to the creations of other minds entirely. Sometimes there is humor; sometimes pure mindless pleasure. Sometimes I am left feeling profoundly sad, or angry, or maybe even jealous.

Oh so many flavors!

But the soul palate is not yet satisfied. The eating frenzy is slowing, but the meal is not yet complete. Yet satiation is returning. With a recent movie I think I might have found the final spice I need to perfect the meal. The question now is can I locate the spice?

The ingredients so far: hope (a core ingredient); memories; a sense of purpose (even if what that purpose is still remains a mystery); creativity; acceptance; and a sense of now. On the surface it sounds like a fulfilling and nourishing meal. So what is still missing?

Maybe I have part of the answer today. One of the driving forces for all humans is faith. I don’t specifically mean ‘Faith’ with a capital ‘F’, the core of religion, but a more general version of the word. We all need faith in … something  … to have a reason to get up in the morning. For some it is all about God and religion. For others maybe it is science. Or perhaps material wealth; or fame; or our own skills. The key is that we need some sort of faith in something. Without that minimal ingredient not only are we just spinning our wheels, but we might not even be sure that we HAVE wheels.

However for the faith to truly be the proper flavor, it must be faith in something positive. And that may be what I have been lacking. Lately I have faith that things will NOT work out well, that humanity is digging itself in deeper and deeper into an inescapable pit and there is not a damn thing lil ole me can do about if better and more powerful folk can’t. So why bother?

Seems I lost the most important kind of faith. Faith in myself!

The question is where do I find this particular spice? I am pretty sure you can’t just pick it up at Trader Joe’s.

0 thoughts on “In search of a proper meal

    • True. Those that recognize the need for it are also the most likely to question if they have it. But questioning is often the surest way to renew as well. As always, thanks for the input! 🙂


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