Analysis of a rant

OK class, today we are going to break down a first class raving rant and see what we can learn. Look at the following before we proceed (original to be found here):

I AM A BULLY FOR NOT PUTTING UP WITH A NO MORALS PERSON WHO LIES ABOUT ME? THE REAL BULLIES CHILD ARE YOU AND YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS WHO GANG UP ON A VET AND A SENIOR CITIZEN WHO IS TELLING THE TRUTH!

AS YOU CAN NOT PROVE I AM LOGICALLY OR FACTUALLY WRONG, YOU STOOP TO ATTACKING WHAT YOU THINK YOU CAN!

THE ACT OF A LOSER!

TOO BAD YOU ARE AN ANAL RETENTIVE NIT PICKER WHO IS SO CLUELESS YOU DO NOT REALIZE MY COMMENTS FULLY SATISFY THE PRIMARY PURPOSE OF LANGUAGE!

ANYONE WHO SUPPORTS A LIAR LIKE MARK AS YOU HAVE IS ALSO DISHONEST, HAVE NO INTEGRITY OR HONOR! ALL WHICH MAKES YOU A PISS POOR PARENT!

FYI CHILD THE ODDS OF YOU BEING MORE INTELLIGENT THAN I ARE ABOUT ZERO

SO NITPICKER, GO PLAY WITH YOUR LITTLE RETARDED NO MORALS FRIENDS

What is the first thing we notice! What’s that? All caps! Good job! You get a gold star. So what can we take from this? Well in text communication, all caps is considered the equivalent of shouting. Obviously one must be able to get their point across better when they shout. We all know how well it works to speak louder to someone who does not understand your language. So a proper rant must be in all caps.

The next thing. When ranting make sure to point out all your strengths because everyone wants to know why they should respect you. Everyone knows that simply being a senior citizen means you know everything and no longer have to show respect to anyone else. After all you have earned it just by living so long right? And it is a proven fact that being a member of the military automatically makes you a better person than any other. I think it is written in the small print when you sign up. And we all know how much military discipline improves free thought! And make sure you repeatedly say how truthful you are. Because by insisting on it you will no doubt be believed. Especially when no one actually ever said you were not. Make sure you also tell everyone how intelligent you are too. Otherwise they might miss it!

Now is the key point! Attack! And meanly. There is absolutely no way your point will get through unless you heave undeserved and unimaginative insults at your opponent. Everyone knows that continuously abusing people for no good reason is the only way to make them respect you!

Take a look at in the following places with examples from the same master ranter:

There may be other examples to be found as well. Use what we have learned here and from those other first class rants and create a rant of your own.  The subject of your rant is your choice. Just make sure the victims are totally undeserving, and that they will feel that you are a raving lunatic not worthy of answering!

OK class, go to it!

0 thoughts on “Analysis of a rant

  1. TheIdiotSpeaketh

    I AM THE BIGGEST IDIOT ON THE PLANET AND I HAVE THE CREDENTIALS TO PROVE IT!!! I DARE ANYONE TO PROVE OTHERWISE!! IF YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME…I WILL CHALLENGE YOU TO AN INFLATABLE SEAHORSE DUEL IN THE POOL!!! HAVE A NICE FREAKING DAY DAMNIT!!!

  2. You know what’s great? I actually AM a piss poor parent, but he’s so off-the-wall hateful that no one’s paying attention to that 🙂 I got a few more treats from him sent to my e-mail.

    • No one who says they are a piss poor parent actually is. It is like admitting you are insane 😀 We all should be thankful to him though. He has certainly inspired a wave of creative posts all by his lonesome!

  3. TheIdiotSpeaketh

    I don’t know about ya’ll…. but he has been great for business….. I think he had secretly hoped to have everyone turn on each other….but has succeeded in only driving up traffic to everyone’s blogs he has “graced”… 🙂

    • You have that right! Sadly I was not one of those directly approached so I did not reap the benefits (except for a couple of creative moments 🙂 )

      • Was going to, but those that had beat me to it already said anything I wanted to say quite well 🙂 No real need to feed the fire anymore. By continuously replying to him we just egg him on at this point. It will soon become yesterdays annoyance …

  4. I have officially deleted everything directly related to this mess (except my blog post–best one ever, I’m keeping it). The only other thing I kept was the discussion about the Liar’s Club, because we had awesome titles.

    • Don’t mind a rant from someone who actually has a valid reason and something to say. It is mean spirited people who just like to shout that this is directed at 🙂

  5. Yeah, I know many of those types. My sister for one. She treats everyone like crap. I think my name for her in a post was Turkey Vulture. Do you know anyone who has everything going for them, life is easy-peasy and they don’t have nuthin to bitch about, but finds reasons? They just chafe my ass!

      • Well, thank you kind sir, but unfortunately that would not be an example of one of my rants. Ha..ha.. I am more of a lop-words-together…runonsentence, foul-this, filthy-that kinda girl when I’m worked up. It can singe the hairs off your arms I’m told. 😉

      • That’s always fun when done on your own blog. Unfortunately the ranter who sparked this left that as a comment on another blog, the last of a series of cyber bullying that was totally uncalled for involving several bloggers. A bit o’ ridicule seemed necessary 🙂


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